Kids…The Hardest Job I Have EVER Had PART 1: HYPOCRISY

Do you ever have those moments where you remember something embarrassing you did and in that moment you just want to crawl in a hole and never come out? I have these moments more often than I would like but there is one I would like to shed some light on in this post, one back when I was a younger-judgmental-ignorant woman.

Back in those better body days, I would sit around thinking about my fine future husband, my beautiful future children, and what I would do as the perfect wife and perfect mom. For instance, child leashes… some of you don’t like to call them “leashes” but i’m going to call it how it is and yeah, they are leashes! In my mind there was NOOO WAY that I would be one of these parents. NOPE, NOT ME.

I would sit there, judging parents, who I didn’t know or know their children… and just judge, like a stinky mcjudgy face.

These are the moments that I look back on and just cringe.

What’s even worse is that this mentality carried over when I had my first child. My first child is kind of a freak because I’m pretty sure she is more mature than I am. I can barely raise my voice and this child is in tears. I believed that through all my insecurities of being a new mom that I was getting one thing right with my very mature child. I was the mom that never had to get a leash for her child.

So there you have it. No leash for child #1

It wasn’t until I had my second child that I would realize the hypocrisy that was going to occur in my life.

My sweet boy has been different from my daughter from day 1. My baby boy is such a good boy and he is definitely a MAMA’S BOY! That being said, He also inherited his Mama’s stubborness, his Daddies love for meeting new people, if there is dirt he will find it, He is always trying to give me a heart attack, and I don’t know how he does it but if i turn my head for 2 seconds, my son will literally disappear like a fart in the wind.

Funny story: We once shut down a Chuckee Cheese because I looked up to talk to my husband for TWO SECONDS and Yeah…. Abraham was gone.

(Side note) Something you should know about me before I continue is that I have serious fight reflexes when under pressure.

This character trait caused me to frantically run to the front entrance of the Chuckee Cheese, where parents and their excited children were trying to come see this awesome-oversized mouse. I DIDN’T CARE!!! I completely body blocked the entrance so that no one could come or go from the Chuckee Cheese while my husband searched for our child. I was just so sure that someone was going to kidnap my child. I basically went full Liam Neeson in Taken.

As I’m sure you have already guessed that my baby boy’s face did not end up on a milk carton. He was hiding in a oversize race car helmet ride. I tried to play it cool and apologize to the terrified families I was holding hostage in the Chuckee Cheese but the crying children clinging to their parents, frightened by the scary woman (AKA Liam Neeson) didn’t help me out. Not my finest moment.

Im sure you can see where im going with this…

Yeah, Abraham got a leash.

I remember the day I bought it too.

My husband is a high school coach and I would go assist him during powerlifting meets. I dont know if you have ever been to a high school powerlifting meet but those gym floors get crowded pretty quick with judges, lifters, and their coaches.

I was going to have Abraham with me and I remember having so much anxiety. This was it… this is where my son was going to get lost. It was then that I remembered seeing those parents, you know, the ones I was judging earlier. Yeah… Well, it occurred to me that I didn’t ever remember them seeming stressed out. BOOM! It clicked, they were in control.

So to Coach Rowe’s surprise, I walked in to that gym with my head held high, daughter holding one hand and in the other, a child leash attached to blue dinosaur back pack that was attached to my son. I finally felt like I was in control of a situation I had been stressing over and over about anytime we ventured anywhere.

I don’t need to explain, but I will. See, it was never about discipline. I have never had a problem disciplining my children. When you have the fears and anxieties I have, you begin parenting with the understanding that discipline keeps your children safe. It’s not until I had a willful child that I had to find other ways to protect them. It’s my job as their mother. You do what you have to do to protect your children regardless of what others might think of you!

Watch Abe’s first instinct…. towards the door.

Sometimes I think Coach Rowe got to much enjoyment from it.

The point that I’m trying to make is that I didn’t know these parents or their reasoning for having a leash on their child. I never once thought of any other reason besides discipline issues. Why would I? I wasn’t a parent and then when I was… I still had no idea of the circumstance’s that would lead to a decision of getting a leash for your child.

I didn’t think of protection, I didn’t think of disabilities, or the Mom or Dad out there just being scared of this freakin crazy world that we are living in. I was just being a judgmental butt hole.

God has definitely had his work cut out with me.

As a Hypocrite

I learned that we all have different parenting styles that work for us.
I have learned to never say never because kids are crazy and will throw you curveballs sometimes.
I have learned that the fear of protection for my children far outweighs my fear of what others might think of me.
I have learned that most parents are already super critical of themselves and that we all could use a little encouragement rather than judgement.
I have learned that I have to relinquish my need for control to God. (I am continually working on this one.)

Having Kids is the hardest job I have ever had in my life and I was so nuts to think that I was the only one with this job title or the only one who struggled. It’s SO hard and we have to stick together if we are going to make it through. We have to encourage, we have to help, we have to listen, we have to see beyond even how we would handle a situation with our own children.

I hope that if you are struggling with this parenting thing that you see that we all struggle at some point. It might not be the decisions to get a child leash for your child… it could be something totally different. Don’t let others bring you down when they don’t know your life. Seek people and other parents who are going to encourage you and lift you up. Seek others who are going to be there for you when you doubt yourself.

Parenting is always changing and I am learning something everyday. I let my faults build and build until I have beat my self so far down that it’s really hard to come back out. I wish I could turn of my brain but as a Mom…. this is impossible. So something God continually shows me is that sometimes it isn’t what I need to improve for my kids but something I need to improve on in myself. This is how I can be a better Mom. POSITIVE SELF TALK.

Below is a link to some parenting affirmations to help start your positive self talk. Shift your mind set from negative to positive so that you can see that you are ENOUGH for your children! ENOUGH!!!