Never Lose Your Muchness.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re TOOOOO MUCH? That you are over the top? Well, I have heard this my entire life in anything and everything that I have done.

  • My Job- You just cared to much, you don’t really know them.
  • Rules- You took that to literal Charly
  • My kids- You’re to much of an Overprotective Mom, you have to let them breathe.
  • My marriage- You have such high standards of your husband.
  • Playing Pranks- That’s not very mature.
  • Laughing- It wasn’t that funny Charly
  • Sports- You’re to competitive
  • Saying I’m Sorry- You apologize to much

I mean, LITERALLY everything.

Listen, I am not an overachiever at all but when I am bought in to something…I am stinkin bought in. When I feel something…I feel ALL OF IT!

I have come to find that I am just a really intense person and since a young age I have always felt feelings intensely. It doesn’t always sit well with people, and sometimes can even make people uncomfortable, including people I am extremely close too.

If I’m being 100% honest then I would tell you that it used to bother me. I would seem confident in who I was but I was truly living in a constant prison where I let my thoughts spiral out of control. I used to question myself, question every little thing that I said, what I wore, even every joke that I laughed at… Why? Because I let people (Society) tell me I was “TOO MUCH” and I would believe them. I let them take away my MUCHNESS.

I found out that no matter what I did to please people that there was always someone who had a problem with me. Whether I was just trying to be myself or if I was trying to be what society told me to be… either way it was to much or not enough. Let me give you some examples. ⬇️

  • Don’t be to loud because people will think you are annoying or pushy, but don’t be too quiet because people will walk all over you and ignore you completely.
  • Have self respect, but don’t be cocky.
  • Have good conversations but don’t talk to much.
  • Be modest but don’t dress like a boy
  • Be good but don’t be a goody goody (What does that even mean?)


LISTEN, don’t read this and think I am telling you to intentionally make others uncomfortable. If someone is being malicious, putting others in danger, or intentionally offensive, then that is NOT okay. In this situation, I would actually say that you or they ARE being “TOO MUCH”. These moments are easy to recognize because you’re attitude and what you are saying aren’t benefiting anyone around you, not even yourself. Been there, DON’T BE THAT GUY.

I’m trying to convey that if you feel the need to love hard then you need to love hard. If you feel the need to advocate for yourself or others then you need to advocate regardless of what some people may think of you. If you want to laugh uncontrollably at a dad joke then laugh… I mean who tells people to STOP laughing at a joke? Just let me laugh bro. If you want to wear a Fanny pack then wear a stinking Fanny pack and feel like a total boss when you do!

Moving on.

Trying to be someone you’re not, will make make you second-guess what you do, what you say, and make you feel unsure of who you actually are. You will end up becoming this whole other person that you don’t even recognize or even trust. Trust me, I know first hand.

If you even have the slightest idea of what I am talking about… Stay with me.

There have been times in my life where I have caused myself unnessacary stress because I was out of alignment with who I was.

When we walk through life constantly doubting every step or move we make, life becomes so much more difficult on us. Really think about the times that you have showed up somewhere and were authentically yourself and compare them to the times when you didn’t. Im right, aren’t I?

There is a sense of relief in showing up somewhere and hiding nothing of who you are. You don’t have to worry if people actually like you for who you are. You don’t have to keep a charade going in future occasions (Exhausting) You don’t have to feel like you weren’t true to yourself. AND you don’t have to spend one second of your time on people who want you to change who you are because it makes them feel better. You can just love some people from afar…at least that’s the way I see it.

I’m about to give y’all the most awkward example of social conditioning ever, so seriously continue at your own risk…

Do you ever wonder why people are embarrassed to POOP in public bathrooms? Told you it was gonna get awkward. Ha

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I understand its personal but when you have to go… you have to go.

Listen, I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) It’s honestly not something I’m extremely proud of, for obvious reasons, but I used to be soooo embarrassed of pooping in public bathrooms. I’ve mentioned this before, but there is an X-ray out there of Charly Rowe’s abdomen where gas bubbles can actually be seen because I was holding so much in. I would put myself in to literal physical pain because of this fear of judgement for pooping in an invention that was meant for this exact purpose.

Who’s with me?

Alright, story time.

One day my daughter came home and she was doubled over in pain. When I asked her what was wrong, she proceeded to tell me that other little girls were laughing at her because she tooted in the potty.

Because of this incident, my sweet baby had been holding in ALL gas and ALL bowels because she was to embarrassed to poop.. ALLLLL DAYYYY.

I swear that in this moment with my sweet girl that it was like looking in a mirror with my younger self. This kind of self doubt and embarrassment was not what I wanted my daughter to inherit from me.

You know, the pulling the toilet paper really hard so it will make a loud noise, coughing , turning on the water, praying someone will just flush a toilet so it will be louder than the plop in the water. She had inherited this unnecessary fear and embarrassment and I HATED it for her.

It was in this moment that something clicked..…

WHAT ARE OTHER PEOPLE DOING IN THE BATHROOM? Are they in there drinking the toilet water? Why are they so focused on other peoples final stages of digestion? Why are we putting our bodies through pain because people don’t understand that their own bodies are biologically programmed to release waste too. JUST POOP GIRL!

I had realized the example I had been setting for my daughter when we were in the bathroom… It was no wonder she was embarrassed when those little girls laughed at her… because she had seen me get embarrassed time and time again. I was a part of the problem. I would tell her to SSHHHH when she asked if I was pooping…you know, like kids always do in a public bathroom. Ha

All joking aside, this is where it all started for her.

Maybe this might actually be “too much” for some of you but you should know that the next decision I made was mortifying to me at first. However, if you are a parent reading this then you know that you will overcome SO much fear in service to your child.

With that being said…I now make it a point to at least pass gas in a toilet when my daughter is in the stall next to me regardless of how many other women are in there.

Why?

So my daughter can see that she is not weird, gross, or “to much” for using a toilet for it’s actual purpose. GASP! So she doesn’t put herself in pain because other people forgot that toilets are actually meant for deification.

Do people laugh at me… yes. Do I care… no. Poop is just waste from our body and if i can take my garbage waste out to the public curb without caring then I can poop in a public toilet.

Maybe I’m crazy, but some things just aren’t worth worrying about. Regardless of gender, this is something we can say that we all do and I just want my sweet daughter to embrace her inner poop goddess. I want her to break free of the pressures that are put on women to apparently never poop…

I never thought in my life that I would ever be writing for the masses about pooping in public restrooms but my hope is that you read this and see that there are things you are worried about regarding yourself that are actually not that big of an issue. It’s an issue because someone told you it was and you believed them. Reevaluate and if its not hurting anyone then be yourself, if its something you feel you need to change then change it.

We have one life that God has given us here on earth and this year I learned that I am so tired of being someone I am not for other peoples benefit when its not that big of deal to just be me. So, I’m going to love Jesus, I’m going to be goofy, I’m going to love hard, I’m going to be competitive, Im going to protect my children unapologetically, I’m going to have high standards for my marriage, I’m going to laugh at a dumb jokes to hard, I’m going to wear Fanny packs, I’m going to apologize when I feel I need to, I’m gonna poop when I need to, and I am done losing my MUCHNESS.

Don’t lose yours!

Love,

The Irish Tulip

P.S.

Continue reading “Never Lose Your Muchness.”

Self Care for the REAL YOU

I have always felt the pressures as a woman to be good at what I thought the world meant as “SELF CARE”

Honestly, what do you think of when you hear “Self Care”?

Maybe it’s just me but my mind automatically went to pictures of well dressed women in fully-done makeup, drinking champagne, wearing face mask, and getting pedicures.

1st: I want to say that there is nothing necessarily wrong with this image. My problem is that this is not what “Self Care” is for me.

It bothered me because I would crave a kind of rest that I haven’t experienced in some time. No matter how hard I tried, I would end up in this cycle of chronic fatigue of life that had no end in site. You’re thinking it… sheesh depressing. Yeah.

My anxiety and misunderstanding of this term made me believe that “self care” was unappealing and most of all… unattainable.

Let me explain.

I never get my eyebrows done… like ever. The only time I have ventured this torture was when my older sister forced me too. She literally has to pay for it because…

  • 1. There is NO way I’m going to pay for it
  • 2. I DIDN’T want to do it in the first place
  • 3. BECAUSE IT FREAKIN HURTS

One of these GLORIOUS occasions, was when I got my eyebrows threaded at a kiosk in the middle of the Lubbock Mall. Classy. Apparently the amount of eyebrow hair that came flying through the air as the thread lady grazed her devil thread across my eyebrows was apparently more than usual because I just hear “WOE, are you serious?” from a very judgmental dude that was next in line.

Cool.

Yeah Bro, I don’t get my eyebrows done ok… Why are you even here?

FACT: You should know that I have an EXTREMLEY over-protective older sister who says whatever the heck she wants, when she wants. This young man became aware of this fact pretty quickly and this alone drew more attention to the situation.

I seriously felt like the bearded lady.

Listen DUDES… it’s cool if you get your eyebrows done but don’t get all judgy when some chick has thicker eyebrows than you. WE WILL GET DEFENSIVE AND SARCASTIC AS WE LET YOU KNOW THAT WE ARE MORE OF A MAN THAN YOU.

I’ll keep going.

When I was pregnant with my daughter… My husband, FIL, and little brother were nice enough to accompany me, my MIL & SIL to get pedicures. I was near the end of my 3rd trimester and my feet were absolutely killing me.

Guess what?

OUT OF ALL THE MEN FEET THERE…. GUESS WHO THEY PULLED THE DUMB AND DUMBER SANDER OUT ON.

YEAH.  ME! 

If you haven’t had the pleasure of watching Dumb and Dumber, I went ahead and added the video for reference purposes.

This is my life people.

I mean there is nothing like going to get a pedicure and listening to the forceful Korean lady (who hadn’t spoke any English since I had walked in) YELL that you need to get your eyebrows done over and over no matter how many times I said NO THANK YOU!!! (This was a separate instance.)

Basically, I’m saying that I need ALOT of champagne to get through what I thought “SELF CARE” meant.

Continue? Ok!

I had one of best friends (Rae) come down awhile back who is the absolute best at taking care of her skin/ body. She was so sweet and wanted to do a spa night with my family. My daughter was so pumped about all of the face mask, the nail polish, and NO LIE… my sweet friend even brought a FACE STEAMER. She is absolutely AMAZING!

SIDE NOTE: These are all things that I knew I would be inadequate at when I found out I was having a girl. This is why I am so thankful for people like Rae and my Sister.

Anyways, I watched my kids relax with their cute little face mask. I even watched Rae rub a mud mask on my husband who FELL ASLEEP because he was so relaxed. What the crap?

When she told me to lean my head back to relax, it was like pushing a concrete block on to more concrete blocks. There was no relaxation besides the fact that I knew Rae was taking such good care of my family.  

WHY?

The only logical answers that I can find is that

1. I have been a Tom Boy most of my life and just feel awkward in this kind of setting.

2. I’ve always believed I was doing it all wrong, the world (magazines-social media) depict images of women indulging in some momentary pleasure that is supposed to make their lives instantly better and I have always been skeptical of this. Did all of her problems just go away?

3. The most obvious is that working in the medical field…I have spent most of my life taking care of others, so it’s honestly kind of uncomfortable for me to be… I don’t know…Pampered.

Like, What do I do with my hands?

Maybe I’m weird…I don’t know. I’m just horrible at maintaining.

I mean, I had to get a razor subscription because I didn’t buy a new one for like a year and half. I would always put the razor back because it never seemed important enough for me to buy.

My point is that what I have come to find out over the years is that “Self Care” can take on a variety of forms depending on what we need.

Basic questions to ask?

  • What helps you relax?
  • What brings you peace?
  • What helps boost your confidence?
  • What is going to get you through to your next day?
  • Will my actions have good or bad consequences?
  • How can you be a better you?

Before I make this next list, first you need to make sure you are truly taking basic care of yourself. Girl, take a shower, get your yearly check ups, eat and nourish your body, try your hardest to get adequate sleep, and forgive and let go of relationships that are holding you down.

After that, make a list of some things that truly bring you relaxation and joy. I took the time to list out a “few” of mine lol

  • I love to crochet
  • I love to sing
  • I love buying plants & gardening
  • I love dancing it out with my kids
  • I love my women’s discipleship group
  • I love watching movies
  • I love watching fail videos on YouTube.. (I will laugh for hours)
  • I love SITTING in a hot shower.
  • I love being at home with my family with ALL devices turned off
  • I love trying new places to eat
  • I love driving my jeep with the top off and music blaring
  • I love having sex with my husband (HEYO)
  • I love kayaking
  • I love being a prankster
  • I love skating
  • I love hiking
  • I love competing

I find joy in all of these things. So when I need to relax, these are my go to’s so that I can gain some perspective.

With that being said, I find it important to say that in my life as a Christian Woman, self-care is more than just a “quick fix”. It’s gaining perspective so I can make a daily decision to completely nourish myself in God’s word and invest in my overall well being. Building healthy habits that replenish everything that I am. I know I listed some things I love to do that DO help me relax but the reality is what brings it all together is my relationship with God. Without God… I am a hot mess.

“Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Matthew 11:28-29

I find peace in the hope that comes from my savior and spending daily time with Jesus refreshes my wandering heart and enables me to pour myself into the service of others. This is important when I evaluate what “Self-Care” really is in my life.

If the past year has taught me anything, it’s that we need support to get through this life and sometimes it’s the little things that make all the difference. SOOOOOOOO…..

If SELF care looks like champayne with face mask and pedicures… DO YOU!!

If SELF care looks like just making sure you brush your teeth everyday… DO YOU!!

If SELF care is going stinking Sky diving… DO YOU!!

But do this all in knowing that you are striving for perspective in what you truly need to focus on in your life that will make a better you.

Take time to find out what actually works for you. Make a list of times in your life that you felt awesome and try to incorporate it into your life. 

UNLESS IT WAS WITH COCAINE OR SOMETHING… DON’T GO BACK THERE lol

Whew! Close Call….

Take care of yourself

Godspeed and Love,

THE IRISH TULIP

Acts 17:24-28

Kids…The Hardest Job I Have EVER Had PART 1: HYPOCRISY

Do you ever have those moments where you remember something embarrassing you did and in that moment you just want to crawl in a hole and never come out? I have these moments more often than I would like but there is one I would like to shed some light on in this post, one back when I was a younger-judgmental-ignorant woman.

Back in those better body days, I would sit around thinking about my fine future husband, my beautiful future children, and what I would do as the perfect wife and perfect mom. For instance, child leashes… some of you don’t like to call them “leashes” but i’m going to call it how it is and yeah, they are leashes! In my mind there was NOOO WAY that I would be one of these parents. NOPE, NOT ME.

I would sit there, judging parents, who I didn’t know or know their children… and just judge, like a stinky mcjudgy face.

These are the moments that I look back on and just cringe.

What’s even worse is that this mentality carried over when I had my first child. My first child is kind of a freak because I’m pretty sure she is more mature than I am. I can barely raise my voice and this child is in tears. I believed that through all my insecurities of being a new mom that I was getting one thing right with my very mature child. I was the mom that never had to get a leash for her child.

So there you have it. No leash for child #1

It wasn’t until I had my second child that I would realize the hypocrisy that was going to occur in my life.

My sweet boy has been different from my daughter from day 1. My baby boy is such a good boy and he is definitely a MAMA’S BOY! That being said, He also inherited his Mama’s stubborness, his Daddies love for meeting new people, if there is dirt he will find it, He is always trying to give me a heart attack, and I don’t know how he does it but if i turn my head for 2 seconds, my son will literally disappear like a fart in the wind.

Funny story: We once shut down a Chuckee Cheese because I looked up to talk to my husband for TWO SECONDS and Yeah…. Abraham was gone.

(Side note) Something you should know about me before I continue is that I have serious fight reflexes when under pressure.

This character trait caused me to frantically run to the front entrance of the Chuckee Cheese, where parents and their excited children were trying to come see this awesome-oversized mouse. I DIDN’T CARE!!! I completely body blocked the entrance so that no one could come or go from the Chuckee Cheese while my husband searched for our child. I was just so sure that someone was going to kidnap my child. I basically went full Liam Neeson in Taken.

As I’m sure you have already guessed that my baby boy’s face did not end up on a milk carton. He was hiding in a oversize race car helmet ride. I tried to play it cool and apologize to the terrified families I was holding hostage in the Chuckee Cheese but the crying children clinging to their parents, frightened by the scary woman (AKA Liam Neeson) didn’t help me out. Not my finest moment.

Im sure you can see where im going with this…

Yeah, Abraham got a leash.

I remember the day I bought it too.

My husband is a high school coach and I would go assist him during powerlifting meets. I dont know if you have ever been to a high school powerlifting meet but those gym floors get crowded pretty quick with judges, lifters, and their coaches.

I was going to have Abraham with me and I remember having so much anxiety. This was it… this is where my son was going to get lost. It was then that I remembered seeing those parents, you know, the ones I was judging earlier. Yeah… Well, it occurred to me that I didn’t ever remember them seeming stressed out. BOOM! It clicked, they were in control.

So to Coach Rowe’s surprise, I walked in to that gym with my head held high, daughter holding one hand and in the other, a child leash attached to blue dinosaur back pack that was attached to my son. I finally felt like I was in control of a situation I had been stressing over and over about anytime we ventured anywhere.

I don’t need to explain, but I will. See, it was never about discipline. I have never had a problem disciplining my children. When you have the fears and anxieties I have, you begin parenting with the understanding that discipline keeps your children safe. It’s not until I had a willful child that I had to find other ways to protect them. It’s my job as their mother. You do what you have to do to protect your children regardless of what others might think of you!

Watch Abe’s first instinct…. towards the door.

The point that I’m trying to make is that I didn’t know these parents or their reasoning for having a leash on their child. I never once thought of any other reason besides discipline issues. Why would I? I wasn’t a parent and then when I was… I still had no idea of the circumstance’s that would lead to a decision of getting a leash for your child.

I didn’t think of protection, I didn’t think of disabilities, or the Mom or Dad out there just being scared of this freakin crazy world that we are living in. I was just being a judgmental butt hole.

God has definitely had his work cut out with me.

As a Hypocrite

  • I learned that we all have different parenting styles that work for us.
  • I have learned to never say never because kids are crazy and will throw you curveballs sometimes.
  • I have learned that the fear of protection for my children far outweighs my fear of what others might think of me.
  • I have learned that most parents are already super critical of themselves and that we all could use a little encouragement rather than judgement.
  • I have learned that I have to relinquish my need for control to God. (I am continually working on this one.)

Having Kids is the hardest job I have ever had in my life and I was so nuts to think that I was the only one with this job title or the only one who struggled. It’s SO hard and we have to stick together if we are going to make it through. We have to encourage, we have to help, we have to listen, we have to see beyond even how we would handle a situation with our own children.

I hope that if you are struggling with this parenting thing that you see that we all struggle at some point. It might not be the decisions to get a child leash for your child… it could be something totally different. Don’t let others bring you down when they don’t know your life. Seek people and other parents who are going to encourage you and lift you up. Seek others who are going to be there for you when you doubt yourself.

Parenting is always changing and I am learning something everyday. I let my faults build and build until I have beat my self so far down that it’s really hard to come back out. I wish I could turn of my brain but as a Mom…. this is impossible. So something God continually shows me is that sometimes it isn’t what I need to improve for my kids but something I need to improve on in myself. This is how I can be a better Mom. POSITIVE SELF TALK.

Below is a link to some parenting affirmations to help start your positive self talk. Shift your mind set from negative to positive so that you can see that you are ENOUGH for your children! ENOUGH!!!

Also if you need a good child leash… I can hook you up! HAHAHAHA. Seriously though, I’ll add the link below!

Godspeed and Love,

The Irish Tulip

Acts 17:24-28


Link for Dino child Leash!!

Disclaimer: I get zero financial compensation for posting this link. Just wanted to share the love!
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